this is my disgruntled face. you’ll find out why i’m disgruntled.
up until this point, i had a pretty successful week. i managed to make it to the gym three days in a row, run two of those days, and eat within my calorie range. at this moment, i am currently trying to transition from a pescetarian ( a fish-eating vegetarian) to a predominate vegan since i’m somewhat lactose intolerant. but sometimes… a giant fucking dairy hole opens up in my stomach and demands to be filled. these times most often occur in times of stress or upsetness. tonight was one of those nights, my friends.
i had actually registered for two fitness classes at my campus’ gym tonight: cycling and toasty yoga. cycling is always an ass kicker and i figured it would help me release the toxins of the day. it was to be followed by toasty yoga to help relieve the lactic acid build up in my muscles and to help me calm down. this was the plan until a fucking major galactic supernova event occurred and sent me into the downward spiral of upset. it wasn’t really that dramatic, but with the changes in my birth control this month, the fact i didn’t exercise today, and the stress of the week hitting me all at once i lost my shit and was inconsolable for a couple of hours, resorting to laying in my bed crying instead of sucking it up and going to the gym. i rejected the food my sweet, sweet boyfriend made and instead….
i ate a fucking burrito from qdoba complete with rice, black beans, faijita vegetables, cheese, sour cream, queso, and TWO KINDS of salsa. i ate every bit of it. EVERY. SINGLE. SOLITARY. BITE. and for awhile, i felt okay. now, i feel like shit for not exercising and for eating a synthetic food brick. and it really is a fucking brick, y’all. it’s sitting right in the bottom of my stomach, just waiting to wreak havoc on my intestines. i’m dumb, but, i am human. it was a stupid, lazy mistake to make, but at least there were no french fries or crispy fish sandwiches involved. i just have to get up, zumba tomorrow morning, and then hit another gym and run. i won’t consider it punishment as much as i will consider it making up for being lazy tonight. i’m too good at being lazy. on top of that, i really threw my attempt at eating little to no dairy out the window with the queso…and sour cream… and shredded cheese. i mean, fuckin’ really. who needs that much dairy in their burrito? i could have just calmed my shit down and ate at home. i really need to learn to check my emotions. they will be my downfall in this weight loss journey.
in case you haven’t figured it out yet, i love to eat. i turn to eating for so many different emotions and it’s honestly something about myself i desperately wish i could change and while i’m working on it, i know i’ll have to battle it for the rest of my life. tonight was a loss and food won, but tomorrow is another day. all i can do is put my heart into working out tomorrow and just hope for the best on Sunday for my weigh in. one burrito can’t fuck me over too badly, right?
stay healthy, y’all.