a rapid decline from cycling and yoga to inhaling a qdoba burrito: the challenges of sadness

this is my disgruntled face. you’ll find out why i’m disgruntled.

up until this point, i had a pretty successful week. i managed to make it to the gym three days in a row, run two of those days, and eat within my calorie range. at this moment, i am currently trying to transition from a pescetarian ( a fish-eating vegetarian) to a predominate vegan since i’m somewhat lactose intolerant. but sometimes… a giant fucking dairy hole opens up in my stomach and demands to be filled. these times most often occur in times of stress or upsetness. tonight was one of those nights, my friends.

i had actually registered for two fitness classes at my campus’ gym tonight: cycling and toasty yoga. cycling is always an ass kicker and i figured it would help me release the toxins of the day. it was to be followed by toasty yoga to help relieve the lactic acid build up in my muscles and to help me calm down. this was the plan until a fucking major galactic supernova event occurred and sent me into the downward spiral of upset. it wasn’t really that dramatic, but with the changes in my birth control this month, the fact i didn’t exercise today, and the stress of the week hitting me all at once i lost my shit and was inconsolable for a couple of hours, resorting to laying in my bed crying instead of sucking it up and going to the gym. i rejected the food my sweet, sweet boyfriend made and instead….

 

devil.

i ate a fucking burrito from qdoba complete with rice, black beans, faijita vegetables, cheese, sour cream, queso, and TWO KINDS of salsa. i ate every bit of it. EVERY. SINGLE. SOLITARY. BITE. and for awhile, i felt okay. now, i feel like shit for not exercising and for eating a synthetic food brick. and it really is a fucking brick, y’all. it’s sitting right in the bottom of my stomach, just waiting to wreak havoc on my intestines. i’m dumb, but, i am human. it was a stupid, lazy mistake to make, but at least there were no french fries or crispy fish sandwiches involved. i just have to get up, zumba tomorrow morning, and then hit another gym and run. i won’t consider it punishment as much as i will consider it making up for being lazy tonight. i’m too good at being lazy. on top of that, i really threw my attempt at eating little to no dairy out the window with the queso…and sour cream… and shredded cheese. i mean, fuckin’ really. who needs that much dairy in their burrito? i could have just calmed my shit down and ate at home. i really need to learn to check my emotions. they will be my downfall in this weight loss journey.

in case you haven’t figured it out yet, i love to eat. i turn to eating for so many different emotions and it’s honestly something about myself i desperately wish i could change and while i’m working on it, i know i’ll have to battle it for the rest of my life. tonight was a loss and food won, but tomorrow is another day. all i can do is put my heart into working out tomorrow and just hope for the best on Sunday for my weigh in.  one burrito can’t fuck me over too badly, right?

stay healthy, y’all.

Advertisements

Published by

Kara

trying to get by in this wonderfully difficult world

One thought on “a rapid decline from cycling and yoga to inhaling a qdoba burrito: the challenges of sadness”

  1. I am so excited that you are keeping a blog on your weight loss journey! I’m also trying to lose weight and thinking of becoming a part-time vegan. If I eat meat, it will be from organic, free-roam farms and never again from processed meat plants. I’m also excited that you’re practicing Yoga. I have started trying to live more naturally. I suggest you try looking up some guided meditation and self-hypnosis videos on youtube. I know that stuff like that seems hokey…but it’s just like anything else…you have to believe in it. I swear that the weight loss hypnosis video I listened to prevented me from picking up unhealthy snacks later that day.

    Also…Kara…You CANNOT get upset if you eat something “bad” for you. You just CANNOT. If you don’t let yourself have something when you’re craving it, you’ll have crave it even longer. I know you’re probably mad that you ate the whole thing instead of sitting some back…but the more time you dwell on that, you will be focusing on that and not the progress you have made. Back-sliding occasionally is only going to stop you from losing weight if you dwell on it and give up your journey.

    The Kara I know isn’t going to give up, and she sure as heck isn’t going to let one little back-slide stop her from getting what she wants.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s