happy hump day, everyone. wednesday is a nice day, isn’t it? it marks the middle of the week and for me, it’s almost a full free day. i made my schedule so jam-packed monday, tuesday, and thursday so i could have wednesday and friday off. i’m kind of a slacker. i like my four day free days. today has started off a little rocky, but i’m hoping some productivity and gym time will ease my anxiety concerning my…….WEIGHT.
god, that’s a terrible word. weight. there’s no positive connotation to it. there’s a “weight” on your shoulder; something is “weighing heavy” on your mind; you’ve dropped one pound of weight in two weeks. oh wait (haha) that’ last one is me! yes.i had my fucking weigh in this morning and i’ve lost 1 pound in the past two weeks… notice the face above. that is the face of confusion, concern, and a little irritation. now, before you tell me “but kara, muscle “weighs” so much more than FAT,” i know this. believe it or not, i’m pretty fucking educated when it comes to nutrition and exercise. additionally, i’ve been told this countless times by countless people in an attempt to comfort me in an endless diatribe about how pitiful and pathetic i feel. sometimes, i don’t need comfort. i just need someone, anyone, to listen and usually, i’ll get better on my own. trust me, i know muscle weighs more than fat, and i probably have gained a fuckton of muscle, but hear me out for a second. people like me, who are overweight and who have struggled with their weight all of their lives, fight, kick, scratch, and bleed when battling the number demon. sometimes, it’s all we have to validate the hard work we’ve been doing, the sacrifices we’ve been making, and how we feel inside. and we may feel fucking great, riding high on exercise endorphins and 28,000 glasses of water, but one glance at that number really frustrates an individual and puts one off for the rest of the day. i’m trying to climb out of that funk right now. it would be easy to just say fuck it right now and go back to my other lifestyle that wasn’t so hard, so trying, and ultimately so rewarding and that’s what keeps me going. this new life, this life of homemade food and exercise is rewarding and i know i should be focusing on how much my cardio has improved the past two months; i know i should be keeping my mind’s eye on natural food intake, but sometimes, i just fucking can’t. sometimes, i look at the number and i am instantly depressed because it’s NOT what i wanted to see. and if you’ve never been overweight, obese, or called fat, you don’t understand. okay. i just had to get that out. i feel better.
monday night, i took another leaflet out of the Oh She Glows recipe book and made avocado pasta! you simply boil some pasta and in a food processor, process an avocado, some garlic, olive oil, and other stuff to make a creamy sauce (high in healthy fats and awesome vitamins from the avocado) for your pasta! i also made some homemade garlic bread out of the homemade bread i made last week
mmm. it was all vegan. the pasta was a little intense for me; there were so many flavors that my mouth had a mild freakout moment (again, insert sexual joke here DAMMIT). i’ll probably make it again, but i’ll be making some small adjustments so it’s not so overpowering. all in all, it was a good meal. it only took around 20 minutes to prepare and make as well, so if you like avocados, have a food processor, and are in tight squeezes concerning time, this might be the meal for you!
my workouts this week have been going splendidly i’m happy to say. yesterday, i did week 4 day 2 of C25k and while it was still a bit of a struggle, it was easier than the first time, which makes me happy. this sort of progress is what keeps me motivated. i’ve come so far in my cardio and in running that i don’t want to backslide and lose all of this progress. yesterday, when i was doing my C25k, the last 5 minutes were actually very exhilarating. i put on Willow’s “Whip My Hair” and ran until i felt i was going to be sick, which i’m okay with because i didn’t actually get sick. there’s something about that song, though. i know she’s only 9, but the chorus of the song is just so damn EMPOWERING.
don’t let haters keep me off my grind
keep my head up i know i’ll be fine
keep fighting until i get there
when i’m down and i feel like giving up i think again
and then, obviously, she WHIPS HER HURR BACK N’ FORTH. next week is going to be out of control and again, i’m experiencing a decent amount of nerves where it is concerned, but i still have another day of this week to complete before i can eve think about moving on to week 5. i plan on going to the gym in 30 minutes or so and getting some elliptical time in and maybe running a mile. sweating is my favorite. this is going to sound weird, but you know those sweat patches people get on their backs when engaged in serious cardio? i love those. i admire those, crave those, and sometimes, i even have them for my own now! it’s a sign of serious work and your entire body flushing out all of those toxins. sweating is awesome. AWESOME…. except when it dries on you. that’s kind of gross.
yesterday was National Margarita Day. did you know that? after class, i went out with a few friends and had a margarita. it was watermelon and way too sweet. i didn’t particularly enjoy it… or the food i ate with it. dammit. while i didn’t eat much, it probably was one of the factors in my incredibly shitty weigh in this morning. i must deal with the consequences of my mistakes i suppose. i had fun with my friends, though. it was nice to not go immediately home and go to bed like i’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks.
sorry this post hasn’t been full of the motivation, joy, and success that a lot of my other posts have contained. it’s really hard to stay motivated 100% of the time, but i’m going to be fine. this is a minor setback in the road of my life and i know that i’ll overcome it. nothing is impossible and “rome wasn’t built in a day” to be just a tad bit cliché. i’m off to the gym. stay healthy, y’all.