i just want to preface this post with a request to keep Japan, Hawaii, and the entirety of the Pacific basin in your thoughts today. living in a landlocked state has afforded me the comfort of knowing i will never, as long as i live in Kentucky, have to live in the fear of unstoppable tsunamis. hundreds of thousands of people have been affected by this catastrophe; i’ll be thinking about them all day. if you have the ways or means, consider donating to the Red Cross. every little bit of funding helps in the recovery aid.
i am angry with my shitshow self and i have sucked more this week than i have sucked in a really, really, really long time. how is it that a person can change their eating habits and standards, live by them for almost two months, and then shit on all of their goals within a week? is it poor strong will? is it apathy creeping back in? is it exercise burn out? regardless of what it is, it’s scary. my spring break started as of Friday last week and i have outlined many occurrences of this spring break. i have had a blast, it’s true, with some of the coolest people i have ever had the privilege of meeting. the downside to all of this fun, though, is my schedule, the schedule that keeps me accountable and on track, was removed for the course of an entire week. i did not have work or class this week and therefore, i could rearrange my day as i saw fit. i’ve had some personally devastating realizations this week, and honestly it’s been a struggle for me to find that balance and that motivation i once carried so deep in my heart. let me try to explain this in the most articulate, non-emo way i can.
tuesday morning was the morning of my eventful day of IKEA, Trader Joe’s and Gatlinburg. in order for me not to feel guilty about being out of my apartment all day and all night, i needed to get some exercise in as i knew i would be eating food with my friends during the day and engaging in drinking activities when i got to gatlinburg that night. so, in the morning, boyfriend and i got up at 5:15 AM and i set out on my first morning run… which consequently means this was also my very first outside run ever. this was the first time i felt the actual environment on my face and as i was running down lancaster avenue in Richmond, i watched the sun come up. it was one of the greatest, most fulfilling moments of my entire life. my watch logged me running at 3 miles, which would have been the highest run i’ve ever had until…. i went to map my run at The Daily Mile and it said it was only 2.82 miles, which wouldn’t have been terrible but my devastation was furthered by the Map My Run website, which told me it was a mere 2.52 miles. okay. this means, ultimately, that my watch was off and that it’s been calibrated wrong and every distance i’ve ever thought was correct on my watch wasn’t. that means the first time i ever ran a mile, i didn’t actually run that mile until days later when i went over and beyond a mile. i’m not going to lie– it hurt. it hurt terribly thinking i was proud of all these accomplishments i’ve never accomplished. i thought my pace was a lot faster than it actually is and to find out i’ve been thinking all of these awesome things that simply aren’t true was emotionally traumatizing. but, a positive of this was because i thought i had already done it, it made actually doing it, for real, much easier. i just have to backtrack a few steps and keep moving. it’s all about movement.
i headed up to Ohio with some friends and we stopped at a bagel place i had been drooling over since it was mentioned by my friend Tricia. she spoke of a godly sandwich titled The Leonardo Da Veggie. it sounded delicious and lo and behold it was, friends, it was
it was on a freshly baked asiago bagel with some cucumbers, roasted red peppers, some muenster cheese, light garlic cream cheese, and some other stuff on there that i can’t remember. coupled with that delicious sandwich was the biggest, most filling, green delicious side salad i have ever had– no seriously
this salad was filled with dried cranberries, cucumbers, green peppers, and roasted red peppers topped with their balsamic vinaigrette. i was a happy little girl bouncing out of Bruegger’s on tuesday. following the miracle of food, went on to IKEA
we were amazed by some shoe racks
hung out in the cafe and drank lingonberry soda
boasted about our purchases
visited Trader Joe’s where i bought so many groceries!
and capped the afternoon with a late dinner at Dewey’s Pizza
what i neglected to capture was the delicious salad that came before this pizza. when i bragged about the deliciousness of Bruegger’s salads, i meant to say it was the best side salad i had ever had… at that point. Dewey’s on the other hand, rocked my world with their roasted red pepper vinaigrette on top of one of the most delicious salads i have ever had. seriously. this pizza is topped with goat cheese, green and red peppers. it was awesome. i ate two small pieces and brought the rest home.
after i got back to Richmond, i reloaded my car and traveled the 3 hours to Gatlinburg to spend a night partying with some of my good friends. i had a blast down there and i am so thankful i was invited to come along for the night and spend time with them. it was filled with many happenings, including the sighting of a REAL LIFE BLACK BEAR. it was real. it was hungry. it wasn’t taking our shit at all. big ol’ black bear wanted nothing to do with us at all. the next morning, i woke up and went to eat breakfast with my sorority big sister Catie and one of my super close sorority sisters, Sandi. we ate at the Pancake Pantry (because you can’t go to Gatlinburg without eating pancakes) and i headed back after dropping them back off at their cabin.
the drive back was long and dreary, but getting home was awesome. i spent most of the day watching television and trying to justify why i had treated my body so poorly in the past few days. i got really upset with myself and ended up calling/texting a good friend, Katie, who is also trying to improve her health and fitness. she told me to just put on my running shoes and try to get some quick exercise in, so i did at 8:30PM on Wednesday night. so, i recalibrated my watch and set out on the roads of Richmond.
it was a little rough starting out, as it always is, and when i hit the end of the first road, i realized there was no sidewalk, which was a little scary because i was wearing dark colors and having to run on the asphalt at some points, but soon i found a sidewalk and kept going. i ran all the way through campus and around campus and down lancaster and back up lancaster. i looked at my watch and my pace was the slowest it had ever been and my miles were down. again, i was frustrated and angry that i wasn’t faster, that i wasn’t pushing myself harder, that i wasn’t stronger. half way through campus, i felt raindrops and before i knew it, it was raining all over me, in my face, in my hair, on my shirt. i was drenched in tiny raindrops and felt amazing. absolutely motherfucking amazing. i ended my run at 38 minutes when i got back to my front door of my apartment. pissed at myself, i shuffled into the apartment to map my run. the final mileage on my watch was 2.34 miles at a time of 38 minutes. that’s like a 15:30 mile or some stupid bullshit like that and i was mad; i was actually furious with myself, with my legs, with my effort, with my slacking… until i went to map my run and instead, was delighted to find the route i ran was 2.77 miles instead of 2.34, which put my pace at 13:43. although that pace sucks and can be better, i was relieved to see that the first calculations from my watch were more accurate than my second calculations. i felt better, but i’m still a bit down about it.
yesterday, i spent most of the day watching basketball. i drank some beer and ate a grilled cheese from the Paddy Wagon and i just don’t want to talk about the rest of the night. i am so upset with myself for treating my body so poorly when i have been doing so incredibly well these past few weeks. i was actually seeing some major progress, and i believe i may have set myself back a couple of weeks with this lack of regard for what i’m putting into my body and the lack of focus to exercise to get it out. i skipped the gym and promised myself i would go today, but i’m struggling today, too. tomorrow is my very first race ever and, although it is a measley 3k, which is 1.87ish miles, it’s a big deal for me and it’s something i never could have done 2 months ago. i think i’ve just put a lot of pressure on myself to really do well tomorrow and i think that pressure has caused me to rebel against everything i’ve built for myself the past few months. but, i am going to push myself to go and get it done so i can relax for the rest of the day and prepare for the early morning outdoor run tomorrow.
i hope you all have had a wonderful week. stay healthy, y’all.