Honesty: Gauging My Limitations and Capabilities

i look like a ball of sunshine

let’s discuss something, friends: it’s fucking August. AUGUST. AWGUSTUH. the 8th month of the year. wasn’t it just May? June? hell, wasn’t it just July 4th? it’s a little bit terrifying that the whole “it goes faster as you get older” phrase is coming to fruition. my parents used to say that to me all the time, and rolling my eyes in typical teen fashion, the years just didn’t seem to go by fast enough. i wanted to be 18; i wanted to be 21. i wanted to live outside of my parents’ house; i wanted to have my own things. here i am, at 24, and absolutely stunned at how right they were. i feel like this has been the fastest summer of my life and i am not ready, in the slightest, to head back to school. i have not really looked at my books, i have not bought school supplies, and i have not planned out a schedule for activities. furthermore, i am not ready, in the slightest, TO TEACH MY OWN SECTIONS OF ENGLISH! i know i keep talking about it, but seriously. how am i, one of the most unorganized, procrastinating, lazy people on the face of the planet, supposed to engage and instruct 35-40 students efficiently? you’re right! i’m not! i’ve actually been working on my syllabus for the past two days, trying to tweak it and get it to perfection. it did not seem real until today when our names showed up next to our class sections

it's real, bitches!

yeah. it’s real. i’m teaching. oh god. i hope they don’t hate me. actually, if i can teach them something and they do hate me, then they can hate, hate, hate away. i want to be efficient, not loved (but both would be nice!). what i am most worried about is that this high level of stress will not only cause me to retain weight, but will keep me from working out as much as i possibly could. i know a lot of people who were very into exercising when they started grad school and as they got further into the program, they became more enveloped with class and could not keep their dedication up. so, that’s why i’ve decided to possibly take an undergraduate level yoga class to keep me accountable for my actions and my health. it would meet on tuesdays and thursdays for an hour and a half from 12:30-1:45. it would force me to go because i would be working for a grade. i would have two guaranteed workouts a week! it’s pretty bad that i’m scared of my own lack of willpower, but my failures in the past have pushed me to really consider this option. plus, i love the fuck out of some yoga, so i think this is a good investment! we’ll see, though. 400 dollars is a lot of money, but it’s comparable to yoga classes offered in the community.

i also have to be honest about my limitations and my capabilities. originally, i wanted to run the Iron Horse Half Marathon in October. but, the Iron Horse is during the weekend of Homecoming and i’ll just be honest with you all– i plan on tailgating and socializing all weekend long. i don’t want to have to bow out of hanging out with friends because i have to run a race. plus, that race is in 2 months and i doubt i could be ready for 13.1 miles when i’m still struggling through two miles. then, i considered the Philadelphia Half Marathon. it is in November and could be an absolute blast, but again, i have to be honest with myself and honest with my abilities at this point in time. i can only run 1-2 miles on any given day at this point and, like everything else in the world, distance and endurance running takes time to perfect. practice must be had consistently for the body to build up at tolerance for the mild brutality that is running… unless you’re some sort of super freak and can run 13 miles for the fuck of it. if you can, i salute you. but, i am not one of those people. i don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars to find out i am not prepared for a race. so, as of now, i’m going to be participating in a bunch of races in the fall, mostly 5ks, just to get my confidence up and keep me running. the first one is the Spoonbread 5k in Berea, KY on September 17th. since i can already run 2 miles, i figure i can be ready for that 5k in a month and a half. it would be a good way to introduce myself to 5ks and since it is so close to home, i would feel more comfortable.

tonight, i am using my groupon to go to Hot Yoga at Exhale Studios. i am really  nervous about it, but really excited, too! i met one of the teachers, Megan, at the outdoor yoga session i attended on Saturday morning. Saturday was a great day for my body. i woke up, ran a mile on the Woodchip Trail, walked another mile, did outdoor yoga, and went to Zumba. i felt amazing afterwards. if only every Saturday could be like that! i know they can be. i just need to find the determination to get myself out of bed on Saturdays and do some work. my schedule for the past month has been so hectic. it’s really thrown off my working out. but next week, i have the entire week off and i want to devote a lot of that to fitness and getting back on track with running, lifting weights, and yoga. i want to be prepared when school starts, both mentally and physically.

tonight, boyfriend and i are making Cajun Shrimp Pizza found at Annie’s Eats. i probably won’t eat any until i’ve done yoga and ran, but i’m sure it will be delicious! stay healthy, y’all!


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trying to get by in this wonderfully difficult world

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