happy thursday evening, friends! there is only one more day in the workweek and then, hopefully, everyone gets a chance to rest up. the weekends, as i have always stated, are my favorite time of the week (obviously). but, this is not just because i get to sleep in– it’s because i get a chance to spend some real time on myself and my own personal development. my alone time and my reflection time are excruciatingly necessary for me to function in the real world. i find this to be incredibly funny, though, because there was a point in my life where i did not need to be alone at all. i preferred, at all times, to be around a large group of people. now, i need to spend time by myself. i really credit that to teaching, grad classes, and working at the Studio. there are so many people who require my attention throughout my days that by the time my day is over, i just want to be left alone with my own thoughts to process my day and begin recuperating.
this week, so far, i’ve run 7.25 miles. monday night, i had a major victory as far as changes in my behavior are concerned. i received a pretty awful (awful by my standards) grade on a paper in one of my classes and my initial instinct was to get Taco Bell and wallow in my pity while watching television. instead, i strapped on my running gear and went to the gym to run on the treadmill. at first, i said “i’ll run a mile and a half.” then, a mile and a half became “two miles.” slowly, two miles became two and a half until i eventually ended at 3.25 miles. what i’ve noticed, more than anything, now that i’ve been exercising regularly again is the amount of sweat i produce. case and point, this is me after my monday night run
i am proud of my sweat. i have been begging for sweat like this my whole entire life. also, my sweat after hot yoga
in other news, i lost 3.2 pounds this week! since October of 2010, i have lost 27 pounds. hooray! i was pretty pumped this week when i got on the scale and it read 227.4. i have not weighed this amount in YEARS. it definitely motivated me to get out and get running. it also kept me motivated throughout the day. i ran 4 miles today and while some if it was difficult, i felt powerful. my legs wanted the movement; my heart wanted to pump that blood through my body. my body wanted to move through the crisp fall air and it felt so incredible. this happiness, this notion of success, kept me from cancelling my yoga class on campus this afternoon.
speaking of yoga, i know i talk about it incessantly, but it is literally the most beautiful thing happening in my life right now. i am discovering parts of myself i did not know existed; i am finding ways to keep moving, to keep pushing, and i am feeling my body give into me. it responds to me and what i want, and week after week, my body just keeps surprising me. so, i will keep surprising it by pushing it, taking care of it, loving it, even if it is not the shape i want right now, i am learning to love my body for its flaws, for its struggles. i started writing about yoga tonight and here’s what i wrote:
yoga has become my sanctuary, a place where i am free to embark upon a limitless, personal journey, eventually coming to rest on the gentle shores of my soul. every breath, every deep inhale cleanses the raging wars in my tired, divided mind. unification. namaste. the sweat that forms, bubbles, beads on my forehead, forearms, foreground of my mind, symbolic, the necessary release of pent up energy and feelings of failure, released into feelings of bliss. with every pose, i’m on a mountain, or dancing, or folding over the sky, coming into contact with my deepest core, my inner heart of hearts– i am one with myself on a soft mat, grounded by the sweet, enveloping, forgiving earth. i am a warrior, a goddess, i am playing on the moon. i am liberated, exploring incessantly beyond the boundaries of my mat. i am translucent. i am a child; i am a tree. i am caressed by a compassionate internal breeze. i am melting, slowly, into inner peace.
so yeah. that’s how i feel about yoga. right now, it means everything to me. i want to pursue it; i want to chase it. practicing yoga makes me feel like a whole person. it puts me into contact with everything i hate about myself- my negativity, my weaknesses, and it forces me to push past those. i’m not lying when i say beautiful things happen in yoga.
i promise i’ll start putting up food pictures again. i’ve been so excited about cooking, and then eating the food, i have neglected to take pictures! i hope everyone is having a great, great week. stay healthy, y’all.