I Got 99 Problems and Being a Lazy Bitch is EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

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this picture was actually taken saturday night after spending 13 hours romping around King’s Island, but it’s pretty telling of how i’ve felt the past few months: defeated, overwhelmed, and red-eyed. and maybe a little sunburnt, too. in my last entry, written in July, i reflected some of these feelings of failure. i am a 25 year old living with my parents, working a minimum wage retail job and while i am thankful for having income that pays (most of) my bills, this is not the life i expected i would have when i was 21 or 22. of course, the way my life has panned out in the past few years or so has not really lived up to any expectation i set for myself as a teenager, but the teenage me didn’t know shit about life at the time. at least now i’m a bit wiser than i was at 18 and more prepared for all of the pointless bullshit i have to endure as a growing adult. i say growing because i refuse to classify myself as an adult– the whole living with my parents thing really shatters that imagery. 

let’s just go for some honesty here. since June, i have probably gained 17-20 pounds. at one point in my life, i was 20 pounds away from my goal weight. can you even begin to fucking understand just how frustrating it is to look up and realize that now, again, i am 40 fucking pounds away from 190? i mean, come the fuck on. i worked so fucking hard to get where i was only to allow myself to spiral out of control because i was unhappy. i know, though, that i am not the only person who has this problem. my biggest issue with myself is that i have been doing this shit my entire life. i have been a chronic yo-yo’er for as long as i can remember and it is really fucking frustrating to commit to something for so long and not have the willpower to keep it going. i was running 3-4 times a week, i was practicing yoga avidly, i was watching what i ate. now, i don’t do shit but lay in my bed, watch south park, and get drunk. these things are fun, don’t get me wrong, but i have to do get motivated and start treating myself like a human being again instead of a garbage disposal. it is time for me to set some goals for myself and follow through with them the way i used to follow through when i wasn’t a completely useless lump of bullshit excuses. 

  • lose 10 pounds by Halloween. simple. 
  • run at least 2 times a week as i build my endurance back up
  • remove all beverages that are not water/unsweetened tea/black coffee
  • stop eating meals at work and take my own lunches
  • find yoga videos/pod casts and practice at least once a week– outside if weather permits
  • begin keeping a positivity journal

these are small steps, but they are necessary. i am capable of so much more than i give myself credit for and my body knows that. yesterday, i walked around King’s Island for 13 hours and my legs ache from the activity, but the ache is so good because it’s a recognition that i DID something for myself. tomorrow, i am weighing myself and taking measurements and getting shit back together. tomorrow, i am going to run at least 1.5 miles outside at the nearby trail. tomorrow, i am going to stop making excuses and i am going to start taking responsibility for my actions, no matter how guilty i feel. i know i’ve said this before, but my time is now. 

stay healthy, y’all. 

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Published by

Kara

trying to get by in this wonderfully difficult world

8 thoughts on “I Got 99 Problems and Being a Lazy Bitch is EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.”

  1. I love motiavated Kara, actually I love all the Karas… I would like to be involved with some outdoor activity with you. You run, I walk….

  2. You are so amazing and inspiring. You’ll make this goals list your bitch, no prob. And please teach me how to write a positivity journal because every time I go to write, I throw up all my stress and depressing thoughts and it’s no bueno.

  3. As a fellow yo-yo dieter I can honestly say that I understand. It sucks. What sucks even more is how easy losing weight or maintaining comes for some people.
    Stay strong and let us hear you roar!

  4. I don’t know what kind of phone you have but if you have an android or windows phone check out the daily yoga app, the free portion has pretty much to do. Also, it’s good to see you trying to get back on track again since you and your blog are what finally got me started doing good back in the spring. Happy Running!

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