well, friends, i did what i said i was going to do today: i ran two miles outside in the sunshine and i (kinda) fucking loved it. it was a struggle– fuck that, it was hard, to find the motivation to keep going when running two miles used to be so easy for me… and by easy, i mean not as emotionally or physically exhausting as it was for me today. i just have to stay on track this time and not fuck around.
i weighed myself this morning, which was a huge motivation for me. the scale read, and i shit you not, 241.8. that’s a total weigh gain of ALMOST 30 pounds. that can’t be real, right? i mean, my jeans still fit, although somewhat awkwardly, and most of my clothes still fit. am i just fooling myself here or is there some reason why i would show this much of a weight gain? right now, i’m going to focus on drinking as much water as possible and hoping that this may have something to do with it. i also didn’t weigh myself until i had been up for almost 6 hours, was wearing clothes, and had already drank water and consumed food. i just honestly cannot believe i’ve gained 30 pounds. maybe this is where my height really does come in handy.
last night, in preparation for the week, i made quinoa salads. i had some of the one on the left for lunch today mixed with a green bell pepper, some shredded cheese, and salsa my mom made from our garden. it was actually really good and filling. i honestly believe it powered me through my run today and that’s how i want to fuel my body– with food that i can use to get me through my exercise throughout the day. it is going to take some readjusting, and i know i’m going to fuck up somewhere, but if i just keep this positivity i’ve pulled out of my ass in the past couple of days, i know i can do it.
regardless, i ran today and i ran it at my own pace and i ran it outside and i got it done. i know i’ll face a lack of motivation in the future, a lack of time, or just a strong desire to give up because sometimes this journey is hard, but i have to keep going. i know what i can do and what i’ve been doing isn’t it. what i’ve been doing is bullshit and it has to stop. small steps. running today was a huge step, actually, because i could have backed out. i could have napped and just decided to do it tomorrow, but i didn’t. because tomorrow would have turned into wednesday and eventually, i would be right back at the beginning. i don’t want to start from 260 pounds again. i don’t want to be incapable of running a mile. i don’t want to watch all of the progress i made fade into some distant sunset. excuses have to stop now.
stay healthy, y’all.