today, Kathy (my mother) and i ventured out into the hellish abyss that is Lexington during the holiday season. mom had to exchange/purchase a few gifts, and because my brother was “ahead” in gift count and my mom is unsure of my sizing, i got to go along and pick out some new boots… that have to be wrapped… and some clothing articles, including that sweet cardigan that i keep falling in love with every time i look at it. but, with shopping always comes the fear that i will try something on and be thoroughly disappointed. today, i was not disappointed when i tried on a dress that didn’t fit, but rather, thought of it as motivation to get back to where i was before i gained my weight back this summer. this, my friends, is the dress:
this is an “i heart ronson” in a size 16 and while it pains me that the dress did not fit and would have fit 6 months ago, i am, in some ways, elated as it is not as bad as it could have been. the dress zipped up almost all the way and while it was tight and wouldn’t finish zipping, i could get a size 16 in a really cute dress. i will eventually be able to fit into a dress that size. i will get back into clothes like this and until then, i will count my blessings that while i may have gained weight, most of my jeans still fit, most of my clothes still fit, and this damage is ultimately reversible. i caught myself in time to save myself from losing all of the hard work i put into losing weight in the first place. my motivation is still here– i just need to channel it and drive on.
tomorrow, after work, i am going to EKU’s gym and paying my first month and exercising. i may run; i may use the elliptical machine. i may lift some fucking weights! who knows what i’ll do, but the point is, i will be back in that gym and will be taking these positive steps to losing weight and getting back into shape. having a gym membership is going to change my entire outlook– i feel it. i will have some place safe to run; i will have a place to utilize free weights; i will have access to the swimming pools and other machines to use to get healthy in ways that do not just include running. i am excited about getting back into the gym and i am excited to have a game plan again. for the first time, truly, i see all of this coming together. the gym, combined with the motivation from my running coach, will put me over the top. hellooooo, motivation! i have fucking missed you!
one more item: yesterday, while i was at work, a very sweet lady told me she reads my blog and recognized me while i was running the cash register. she had nothing but nice words for me and it saved my day from becoming a bullshit crying fest. it is overwhelming to think that a blog i started to keep myself going has reached people i do not personally know. it feels amazing. never hesitate to be kind to someone– you never know how much good it may do them to hear it.
stay healthy, y’all.