Officially 24: Drastic Changes in the Making

the face of a 24 year old

i am officially twenty four years old and while it felt weird coming out of my  mouth for the first couple of days, i feel a little bit better about it. i have adjusted to my new number and through that adjustment, i am finding new ways to improve myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. i have neglected myself for far too long and in the process of getting ready for Bonnaroo, experiencing Bonnaroo, and my birthday, i have let my goals slip from my grasp and it is time to jump back on that fitness train and CHOOO MUTHAFUCKING CHOOOOO until i reach my ultimate goals. this may mean sacrifice; this may mean forcing myself into the gym when i don’t fucking want to go, but i am going to make every single solitary attempt to make myself complete my goals. no more of this lazy bullshit. my lazy time is over. i had my birthday celebrations, i acted like a dumbass and it is time to get my life back in order, assume a normal sleeping schedule, and reattain that Kara Muthafuckin’ Lairson spirit i lost in the days of inactivity. screwing around time is over, folks. when i am not exercising, i am irritable, sad, and depressed. i felt a weight lift off my shoulders today as i was running and i never want to lose that. i know sometimes i will just want to eat like shit and ignore my workout, but that shit has got to stop if i want to be the person i’ve always dreamed of being. nothing good comes without working hard for it, as KYM says, and my health is not just going to fall into my lap. i have to rise up, grab it by the balls, and tell that health bitch that its life is mine. watch me.

because i decided i am done screwing around, i actually got back into the gym/pool today for the first time in….weeks? i ended up doing a SUPER early C25k running workout (week 3, day 3) and while i kind of struggled, i could have done more. i was running relatively fast though on my running portions, so that give me hope that not all of my endurance has been lost in the chaos of my life. after running, and breaking a nice sweat, i headed over to the pool and cranked out 16 laps, or 800 yds. of swimming. that translates into .45 of a mile, which was pretty decent considering i haven’t been in a lap pool in forever. i did that in 20 minutes, which isn’t super great, but it’s a nice place to start and begin improvement.

tomorrow, i’m heading up to Lexington to meet with my friend Stephanie and she’s going to essentially break my spirit. she’s showing me how to do weight training exercises and her prediction is that i will not be able to walk or move correctly on friday. that’s what i need. i need to feel my muscles working and becoming stronger. i’m excited to work out with her and more excited about learning techniques that will definitely benefit me in the long run, especially in the fall when i am scared of the meatheads again. they come in droves in the fall.

tonight, for dinner, i’m making baked coconut shrimp with some awesome vegetable side and a large, large salad. i have never been more excited about salad in my entire life. i wanted a salad today, but alas, i could not find a salad. i need to learn to make my lunch and bring it again. i was so good about it for awhile. i just need to re-prioritize my life and get my shit together! this is it. this is the beginning of the end. my motivation is back, my determination is back, and more importantly, i’m beginning to love myself again. as Stephanie so wisely stated, about me, “you are such a force to be reckoned with and you keep hiding behind fucking dwarfs.” well, that dwarf is my insecurity and my fear of failure. i am not going to fail. i am capable of success and i will succeed. i hope everyone is having a great wednesday, and stay healthy, y’all.

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Back in the RKY: Bonnaroo, First Weigh-In, and Commitment

sunkissed Bonnaroo face (complete with jankity eye!)

ignore my jankity left eye that doesn’t open all the way. Bonnaroo gave me two infections and a stye, and while it was worth it, i still don’t want people looking at my jank. Bonnaroo was everything i had hoped it would be and more. my stamina, compared to last year, isn’t even a comparison. the mile walk we had into Centeroo every single day wasn’t even a challenge– i did it with ease and i credit that to the exercise i have been doing since January. although the heat was brutal, the walking around did not tire me out the way it did last year.

Bonnaroo Arch 2011

from our campsite to this arch, we had about a mile walk; on any given day, i walked at least two miles from my campsite to Centeroo and from Centeroo back to my campsite. this does not include the amount of walking i did between stages and tents throughout the weekend as we were seeing music sets. i would say, on any given day, i walked around 4 miles a day, which i find to be pretty fucking awesome if i do say so myself! my calf muscles sure got a work out.

pretty badass arch, mayne.

at night, the arch was lit up with lights that shown directly into the sky. it was an awesome landmarker if you got turned around or confused in any sort of way. as far as music goes, i saw: The Futurebirds, Freelance Whales, Best Cost, J. Cole, Sleigh Bells, Justin Townes Earle, Abigail Washburn, The Decemberists, Florence + the Machine, My Morning Jacket, Arcade Fire, The Black Angels, Lil’ Wayne, Old Crow Medicine Show, Deer Tick, Mumford & Sons, Buffalo Springfield, Eminem, The Head and the Heart, Ryan Bingham, Iron & Wine, and The Strokes. i had some moments where i felt like i wasn’t even myself. it was awesome. i can’t fully ever explain the experience of Bonnaroo, only that i feel like everyone should have the experience at least once. the thought of it gives me chills.

ze which stage

i’m honestly considering starting a payment plan for Bonnaroo 2012 tomorrow, but i’m just not sure. i don’t really have any money, but the thought of missing Bonnaroo is soul-crushing. only time will tell!

i weighed myself for the first time since May 1st, and i have to admit i was very, very disappointed with the results. here’s a breakdown of my weight and measurements. the first measurements are my last measurements and the second set are my “current” set.

Past: 4.20 Weight: 237.6

  • Bust: 40.5
  • Chest: 38
  • Upper Waist: 36.5
  • Middle Waist: 43
  • Hips: 44
  • Thigh: 26.5
  • Calf: 18
June 14th, 2011 Weight: 235.4 (-2.2)
  • Bust: 39.5
  • Chest: 38
  • Upper Waist: 36
  • Middle Waist: 43
  • Hips: 44.5
  • Thighs: 26.5
  • Calf: 17.5
alrighty. so i lost 2.2 pounds in 6 weeks………….. i should be happier because it’s still a loss, but it really gives me a rash. now, my measurements, i was crushed by them at first, until i realized that i was probably pulling the tape too hard around me to get an accurate reading. these measurements are done with some looseness and i feel like they’re better gauges of where i am in my measurements vs. the previous measurements i’ve been making. i’ve been paranoid the entire time about doing my measurements wrong and i think i have been because i am definitely smaller than i was a month ago, but the measurements don’t reflect that.
weighing yourself is incredibly detrimental to one’s personal sanity, by the way. i was so much happier and felt better about myself not knowing the number on the scale and when i got on the scale, i was instantly in a bad mood and pissed about my lack of progress. weighing myself may just need to be dropped off of my weight loss plan– it never brings me any sort of happiness. in fact, it just makes me hate myself that much more. so, i’ve decided i will only weigh myself once a month from here on out, unless i feel it is absolutely imperative i know my number. the next time i weigh myself will be July 1st, then August 1st, and so on and so forth. i want to minimize the impact of the scale without completely throwing it out because i do need to be keeping track of the number.
in other news, i have around 18 weeks to this half-marathon i plan on crazying myself through! i’m starting on week 4 of c25k, going through weeks 4-9, which is 6 weeks, and then jumping into a half-marathon training schedule. if i can keep up with this, it will be the greatest accomplishment of my life… besides my 15 hour day at Bonnaroo. i haven’t officially registered for it yet, but you better believe i will. my hours just picked up at work, so i’ll have a little extra money. hooray!
well, that’s all i have for now. i’ll keep everyone updated. now, i swim! and run! stay healthy, y’all!

I RAN! I RAN! I RAN!

cheesy happy face

i know i just updated yesterday, but i had to update again today because I RAN TODAY!!! it wasn’t much of a run and i wasn’t very fast at all, but knowing i can do it again and start building my body back up to the shape i was in before i hurt myself makes me incredibly excited. it’s also a relief, too!

this morning, i woke up at 6:30AM and made it to the pool by 7. i swam 16 laps/32 lengths, which is 800 yards. that rounds out to about .4 miles of swimming 25 minutes. i was pretty pleased with myself, seeing as how i battled to get out of bed this morning. thankfully, the dog was barking so i had to get up and deal with him. once i stepped outside and got wind of the chilly air, i was awake and ready to go. after swimming, i came home, changed, and headed back to the gym for some other cardio. i hopped on a bike and rode 5 miles in 23 minutes, which isn’t super fast but i don’t feel like it’s terribly slow, either. the resistance kept moving back and forth, so i got a nice workout. then, i looked at the track and wanted, longed, craved running so i jumped out there and jogged a little. i ran .55 of a mile in 7 minutes. my foot hurt a little bit so i stopped, but just knowing i can do it again makes me feel so much better about this whole exercise/training/living thing. i feel happier.

it’s off to class and work for me now (without shoes, i might add!) in a much better mood than i’ve experienced in a couple of weeks. i hope you all are having a great tuesday. stay healthy, y’all.

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

eat shit, monday

mondays are, for the most part, incredibly lame. i am having a very, very lame monday. but, i have confidence my week will get better. i just need to make sure i keep taking care of myself, my foot, and my nutritional needs. weekends are so hard to stay on the wagon; i wish i could articulate just how hard it is for me. i spent a lot of time this weekend actually discussing nutrition with a couple of my friends and i realize it’s a slow process, but they have it so much more together than me. i know comparing myself to other people is a ridiculously bad choice for self-esteem and confidence, but it’s something i feel we as a society have been programmed to do– we compare ourselves mercilessly to other women, or to men and their progress, for that matter. i can’t help but feel a tad bit jealous when one of my friends accomplishes a great goal or feat of fitness. i just need to take that jealousy or frustration and use it to propel myself further into exercise rather than let it defeat me and eat my weight in french fries. i honestly think that may have happened this weekend. dammit. but tomorrow, i’m going to the gym and SWIMMING. yes, you read that correctly. i am swimming now and i absolutely fucking LOVE IT.

last week, i started going crazy from the lack of exercise i had been getting after spraining my foot. wednesday, after some nerves and calming myself down from the anxiety i felt about approaching a new, unfamiliar activity, i put my bathing suit on and trucked it to the pool. after asking the lifeguard, who was rather perplexed by someone asking him how to get into the pool (it’s complicated, whatever), i waited for a lane to open up and when one did, i seized my opportunity and jumped in! the first time i swam on wednesday, i didn’t keep track of how far or how much i swam; i know i was in the water for at least 30 minutes, and it felt so good to get my heart pumping. i love swimming and it will be something i continue to do, regardless of my sprain and when it heals. it’s a great crosstraining exercise because it forces you to use your entire body. my back muscles thanked me for the workout. thursday, i went to the gym and actually got on the elliptical! i did interval training for 33 minutes and did some strength training on my legs since they haven’t been getting as much of a workout as they did previously. friday morning, i went for the pool again and this time, i kept track of my laps/lengths. did you know a length in the pool is one time down and a lap is one time down and back? i did 46 lengths or 23 laps in a 25 yard pool; this ultimately means i swam .7 of a mile. hurray kara! i love swimming! this brings me to revealing a big secret/longing/next big training goal: next year, i am participating in a sprint triathlon, which is a combination of .4 miles of swimming, 3.1 miles of running, and 12.4 miles of biking. honestly, if i got my ass in gear and trained hard over the summer, i may try to do one in september. we’ll see. it’s been a life-long dream to be a triathlete– i want it.

and then i blew it this weekend. whatever. don’t want to talk about it. it’s hard. i hate the weekends because they ruin my productivity and my life whatever damn ugh fuck. i need accountability and this just isn’t doing it. help? i know i need help; i have a hard time accepting help. i feel like help is critical sometimes, you know? but in order to succeed, i need to be kept accountable for my actions, even on the weekends. just because it is a weekend does not give me an excuse to eat like a slob. it does not it does not it does not. damn.

in the food area, i only stepped outside the box once this week when it came to culinary creations.

falafel!

homemade falafel on top of a flatbread with spinach, low fat feta, and some trader joe’s tzatziki (which i love more than anything, really); on the side, we had some cous-cous. it was actually pretty good, although i’m not quite sure if i really like falafel. i really enjoyed the flatbread. and tzatziki. and feta. and spinach. yum. boyfriend made stuffed peppers on thursday night and i gorged myself on how delicious they were; for the side, then, we had a salad with some low fat raspberry vinaigrette, some strawberries, and a sprinkling of feta cheese. we have a thing for feta cheese, obviously. i really cannot wait for school to be over so i can cook all the time and not have this shitstorm of a schedule i have right now. i really do enjoy cooking but i never have time to do it because i have classes at night on monday and tuesday and i like going to yoga on thursday nights so i try not to eat heavily then. lame. but i will get to it. i will cook more and it will be delicious. there are so many recipes i would love to try in the near future and i will keep you all posted!

as for now, i’m recovering from my foot and my super lax weekend of pretending my metabolism is glorious. i can’t eat anything i want. i know that. but sometimes, i like to pretend. carver gets a crazy eye when i pretend too much, though

crazy eye carver!

i am capable of changing my entire future– i just need to settle down and get my goals and priorities back in order. i will do that. my body can’t afford another drastic weight gain and neither can my mind. stay healthy, y’all.