i am officially twenty four years old and while it felt weird coming out of my mouth for the first couple of days, i feel a little bit better about it. i have adjusted to my new number and through that adjustment, i am finding new ways to improve myself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. i have neglected myself for far too long and in the process of getting ready for Bonnaroo, experiencing Bonnaroo, and my birthday, i have let my goals slip from my grasp and it is time to jump back on that fitness train and CHOOO MUTHAFUCKING CHOOOOO until i reach my ultimate goals. this may mean sacrifice; this may mean forcing myself into the gym when i don’t fucking want to go, but i am going to make every single solitary attempt to make myself complete my goals. no more of this lazy bullshit. my lazy time is over. i had my birthday celebrations, i acted like a dumbass and it is time to get my life back in order, assume a normal sleeping schedule, and reattain that Kara Muthafuckin’ Lairson spirit i lost in the days of inactivity. screwing around time is over, folks. when i am not exercising, i am irritable, sad, and depressed. i felt a weight lift off my shoulders today as i was running and i never want to lose that. i know sometimes i will just want to eat like shit and ignore my workout, but that shit has got to stop if i want to be the person i’ve always dreamed of being. nothing good comes without working hard for it, as KYM says, and my health is not just going to fall into my lap. i have to rise up, grab it by the balls, and tell that health bitch that its life is mine. watch me.
because i decided i am done screwing around, i actually got back into the gym/pool today for the first time in….weeks? i ended up doing a SUPER early C25k running workout (week 3, day 3) and while i kind of struggled, i could have done more. i was running relatively fast though on my running portions, so that give me hope that not all of my endurance has been lost in the chaos of my life. after running, and breaking a nice sweat, i headed over to the pool and cranked out 16 laps, or 800 yds. of swimming. that translates into .45 of a mile, which was pretty decent considering i haven’t been in a lap pool in forever. i did that in 20 minutes, which isn’t super great, but it’s a nice place to start and begin improvement.
tomorrow, i’m heading up to Lexington to meet with my friend Stephanie and she’s going to essentially break my spirit. she’s showing me how to do weight training exercises and her prediction is that i will not be able to walk or move correctly on friday. that’s what i need. i need to feel my muscles working and becoming stronger. i’m excited to work out with her and more excited about learning techniques that will definitely benefit me in the long run, especially in the fall when i am scared of the meatheads again. they come in droves in the fall.
tonight, for dinner, i’m making baked coconut shrimp with some awesome vegetable side and a large, large salad. i have never been more excited about salad in my entire life. i wanted a salad today, but alas, i could not find a salad. i need to learn to make my lunch and bring it again. i was so good about it for awhile. i just need to re-prioritize my life and get my shit together! this is it. this is the beginning of the end. my motivation is back, my determination is back, and more importantly, i’m beginning to love myself again. as Stephanie so wisely stated, about me, “you are such a force to be reckoned with and you keep hiding behind fucking dwarfs.” well, that dwarf is my insecurity and my fear of failure. i am not going to fail. i am capable of success and i will succeed. i hope everyone is having a great wednesday, and stay healthy, y’all.